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9:53 pm - Tue, Jul 29, 2014
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Q: I'm an agendered DFAB, but I call myself a lesbian, but is that accurate? Because I exclusively like girls but I'm not one...
Anonymous

Hey!

I actually had a very similar problem when I was trying to figure out who I was.  When I thought I was genderfluid I tried so hard to figure it out, but nothing seemed to fit.  I wan’t a lesbian because I wasn’t always a girl.  I wasn’t straight because I wasn’t always a guy.  I wasn’t bi because I didn’t like guys.  So I asked my friend to help me out, and it turns out that there’s a word for liking girls that is gender neutral! You are gynasexual, my friend.  (For those who might be wondering, the opposite term [or, sexual attraction to males only] is Androsexual.)

Hope this helps!

Good luck and keep fighting,
-Dean

9:49 pm
2 notes
Q: Hey I have BPD and sometimes when I get angry, I think these terrible things and I feel awful and evil almost. Like my mom was drunk tonight and I went into her room to get my antidepressant and she kept looking on her phone and iPad and wouldn't get my pill and I just got so mad and I though "I wish she was dead" but I don't mean it! I feel terrible I love her more than anyone I just get so angry. Even little things like dropping something just sets me off and makes me want to cry out of anger.
Anonymous

Hello there!

BPD can make you feel emotions you don’t really want to feel.Especially anger. What helps me is to try and take myself away from my emotions, and just observe the way I’m feeling from a more distant perspective. Let yourself observe how the feeling flows through you, but try not to act on it. Some other techniques that are helpful are grounding techniques (even when angry!) and breathing exercises. 
It sounds like you’re having some intrusive thoughts. Although you may not believe this—these thoughts are quite normal, and although not very pleasant, they are not to going affect who you are unless you let them. You are a good person.
I can really relate to how you almost feel evil sometimes. Note that you are not evil and those are just intrusive feelings that BPD can bring on. You are above that, and with the right treatment, that evil feeling may even go away.
If you see a therapist or doctor, I strongly urge you to let them know about these intrusive thoughts and impulsive actions. Feel free to message me about any questions you may have about BPD and recovery! c:

—Mattaiyo

9:45 pm

I am lonely, I am so extremely, urgently lonely. I feel completely isolated. People don’t respond to my messages or phone calls or anything. I spend my life wishing that somebody would just remember me or talk to me. I don’t know what to do anymore. I can feel myself getting depressed again but I have no idea who to talk to. I’m petrified of having to back into hospital again. I don’t want to talk to my parents or my psychiatrist or my therapist because that’s how I ended up in hospital last time and it didn’t help. When I was in hospital, my self harm got drastically worse, I attempted suicide so many times and I’m going back towards that again. I’m so completely alone. I’m just utterly isolated. For the past two years I’ve not been in school much, maybe four months out of the twenty four so I’ve lost contact with most people and now they’re all going away to university in September and it hardly seems worth it. They’re all moving on with their lives and having a wonderful time and here I am, starting my first year of alevels for the third time and I’m just such a failure. Even on the rare occasion that I do speak to my old friends, I really don’t feel like I can talk about the bad stuff that’s weighing me down because I don’t want to become that friend that’s always complaining and miserable. I don’t want to bring them down and make them feel guilty about their situation just because it’s so much better then mine, because that’s not fair, it’s not their fault. I just don’t know what to do anymore. -SSQ

Hello SSQ,

I’m sorry that you’re feeling this way, I know that it can be so overwhelming. I’ve experienced this in the past, and it felt like the loneliness was not only mental, but physical too, and it’s such a hard feeling to cope with.

I know it’s hard to reach out to your therapist and psychiatrist right now, because of that fear of going back to hospital, however, I really think it’s important that you do tell them. Even if it’s just letting them know about the feelings of isolation, that’s a good start, and they will most likely not hospitalise you for those feelings alone. I think it’s important to let them know at least about that as a start so that they can help to find ways through these feelings, and to help you cope with what’s happening. Working on those feelings with your therapist and psychiatrist may help with those other feelings, as well.

As for speaking to your old friends, I really encourage you to keep that up. I know it feels like you can’t open up about what you’re feeling right now, but maintaining those friendships (even if your brain is telling you it’s not worth it) may help with those feelings of isolation, and in time you may become more comfortable with talking to them about what’s happening. As someone who has both had a worse situation than someone else, and had someone talk to me that was in a much worse situation than me, I can tell you that it won’t make most people feel guilty. They’ll just want to be there for you, and help you through. So do keep on talking to those friends, to help take that isolation away.

One thing that can help with isolation is joining a group, or a club. I admit that when I did this, I was too anxious to talk to people the first few weeks, but people noticed that I was like that, and started coming and talking to me. It made me feel much better about things to be around people, and have people talk to me. Even if they were only acquaintances, it took away some of that loneliness.

You’re not a failure at all for having to repeat the year that you’re in. Mental illness is just like physical illness; sometimes it gets severe, and needs to be treated over a long period of time. You haven’t had to repeat the year because you couldn’t keep up with the level of work, it’s because you’ve been very sick. That’s completely understandable. You’re not a failure for having to repeat this, not at all.

Do reach out to your therapist and psychiatrist, lovely. Even if it’s just starting small with them, I think it’s really important. Know that there are Helplines and Web Counsellors that you can reach out to as well, to talk about what you’re feeling, and get support. They’re also a good option for support, as they won’t admit you to hospital, they’ll just talk things through with you. We’re always here if you need us, too.

Take care,
Alexandria.

9:40 pm
2 notes
Q: Hi, so I'm a really empathetic person and I have to attend a funeral but I absolutely hate crying in front of other people. While I didn't have much of an emotional connection to the deceased, being around other people who are crying will no doubt make me cry too and while I know it's completely ok to cry at a funeral, I really don't want to. Does anyone know of any ways to help stop yourself from crying?
Anonymous

Hello there!

I’m also a very empathetic person, so I can understand how hard it is to not cry in situations like these. Why don’t you want to cry at the funeral? I want you to know that crying in any situation is perfectly okay and acceptable.
I’ve attended two different funerals in the past year and at both I sobbed. The second one I didn’t cry as much because like you, I was determined not to. It’s perfectly okay to cry in front of others, especially in this situation, but I understand that you don’t want to. I have a few tips for you.

- Hold your breath. Count to four slowly, then exhale for four counts repeat this as many times as you need when you feel you’re about to cry.

-Silent tears. Sometimes crying is inevitable. In this case, don’t let yourself sob, just let the emotions flow over you and notice how the tears feel, but don’t focus on them emotionally.

- Think about happier days. This can help you focus on the good.

-Notice your surroundings, not the people. What’s in the room? What texture is it? Do you smell anything? Do you like the smell? This can help you take your mind off of crying.

Again, it’s perfectly okay to cry. I cry all the time and I still consider myself a strong person. I hope you feel better, hun.

—Mattaiyo

9:31 pm
1 note
Q: kind of time sensitive: hi i really want professional help but i don't know how to do it myself. i'm only 17 and i'm scared because i'm really nervous. how do i go to get help at the hospital because i don't have the money to go to a private doctor by myself and i can't get money without my parents knowing. i'm extremely anxious when it comes to going to places by myself. do you have any help or advice?
Anonymous

Hey there,

If you are only 17 it will be difficult to get professional help without your parents knowing. You won’t be able to get medications without their consent. However, there are some resources available for you.

Do you go to school or college? If so, there are likely counselors available to you for free. I would make an appointment there and, if they determine that psychiatric intervention is appropriate, discuss with them the possibility of bringing up the subject of professional help with your parents.

When I was first being medicated, I was also only 17 and the doctor and counselor at my college held a conference call with my parents to try and convince them.

Alternatively, if you’re in a bind, you can always speak to a helpline or web counselor about anything on your mind. They are professional listeners trained to help you deal with crisis situations.

We’re here for you, too!

Elliot

9:29 pm
Q: MEGAN! Please I messaged you on kik I need you please please it's urgent I'm siocodal please
Anonymous

Hang in there love.

Everything will be alright.

I’ll take care of you. <3

—Megan

9:24 pm
1 note
Q: i wanted so badly to get back with my ex but when i told him that i'd thought about killing myself a couple months ago he wasn't very upset. i don't know if that's something i can get over. i wanted him to be angry at me, anything but not react. maybe he's not the right person for me. but i don't know how to get over him despite his poor reactions to me. he wants to cure my ocd and make me normal and i'm so tired of that. he says i'm not a project but how else am i supposed to feel?
Anonymous

Hello lovely,

I’m sorry that your ex didn’t respond in the way that you both wanted, and needed. It can be really hard when you open up to someone, and they don’t seem to understand how much it really impacts on you. As for the OCD “curing”, I can understand that too. However, that usually comes down to people not understanding how OCD works, and thinking that they know how to help. That being said, if someone told me that they wanted to make me ‘normal’, I’d also be upset and offended by that.

It can be hard to move on from someone, even if we know they’re no good for us. As cliche as it is, time can really help. What helped me in the past was ensuring that in that time between the break-up, and finding myself again, was organising to spend lots of time with people. For example, I’d go to family functions, visit my old hometown with family, meet up with friends, go to the movies, have movie nights. A lot of things that involved other people. I did this, because it helped me to realise that I didn’t need that person in my life, because there were others around who cared about me more than they ever did. I also did things to build up my own independence, such as walking my dog, doing shopping, playing music. Just things that showed me that I could be by myself, and I could depend on myself for that happiness that I based on someone else for so long.

I know it’s very hard to see right now, but there will be someone out there who will treat you right, and embrace you as you. In the meantime, try to work on distractions with other people, and building up your own independence. We’re always here to support you all the way, too.

Take care,
Alexandria.

9:15 pm
Q: I really want to apply to be an admin. I am over 18! However, I have already sent in an application. It was probably 7 months ago. I don't like my answers though... A lot has happened in those seven months. My answers will be different. Is there a way to delete my application so I can re-apply? ~wanderer
Anonymous

If it was that long ago, reapply! We don’t have it any longer. 

-Jori 

9:11 pm
1 note
Q: Sorry to bother but did you get an ask a few days ago signed ~T about maybe having depression and being frustrated? Also i understand that you're having issues with post limit rn so don't worry about answering this until you get that fixed. Thanks :)
Anonymous

Hello there,

We’ve got one signed ~T about wondering what the difference is between being moody and mentally ill. If that’s not your question, we don’t seem to have it sorry! In that case, feel free to resend.

Take care,
Alexandria.

9:07 pm
Q: Thank you, Alexandria!! I don't know that my school has any mental health specialist, as our councellors are mostly there for college prep discussions and course scheduling, and our nurse isn't allowed to do much, but I will check out helplines when I get home. Thank you so much!! --eraa
Anonymous

Hello Eraa,

You’re very welcome! In that case, I’d really recommend asking a teacher that you trust if there’s mental health supports in your school. They may be able to point you in the right direction to get further support. But calling the helplines is a really good idea, and I hope they give you the support you need through this.

Take care,
Alexandria.

9:06 pm
1 note
Q: What exactly are you looking for in new any new admins? Like are there any specifics? Or just more people to help lighten the work load?
Anonymous

http://mental-health-advice.tumblr.com/post/72269365964/what-it-takes-to-become-an-admin-your-application

This post here basically explains everything, what it takes to be an admin and things. We are looking for admins at the moment who are 18+ but if you are under 18 and have a good app you won’t be excluded. :)

It takes a lot to be a part of the team, there are so many things that need to be done, explained on the link above. :)

Much love, Laura.

9:03 pm
Q: welcome elliot! i love your hair!~
Anonymous

Hey there! Why thank you! :D

(Sorry, I couldn’t answer this until after the post limit was reset!)

Elliot

8:50 pm
1 note
Q: *URGENT* which admins are online right now that can kik? Super important please reply ASAP
Anonymous

Hey  darling.

My kik is _simplysea_

I’ll get on right now!

-Megan

8:26 pm
1 note
Q: Is anything going to happen to the asks that have already been sent in due to post limit?
Anonymous

Nope! They are all still here waiting. WE ARE SO CLOSE! 

-Jori 

7:42 pm
2 notes
Q: URGENT! I'm out of meds (fluoxetine) and have been for like a week and now I'm starting to feel the side effects of going off them like that, my anxiety is ridiculous, all i do is cry and cut and I feel everything I've worked for slipping away. I need to call the clinic and get my psychiatrist to write a new prescription but I'm too scared because it's always my therapist who does all that (I really dont like my psychiatrist) and she's on vacation for another week and i dont know what to do/ Lia
Anonymous

Hey there Lia,

As you probably know, you shouldn’t stop taking SSRIs like fluoxetine (Prozac) without the supervision of a doctor. Doing so can result not only in relapse but in serious withdrawal symptoms.

I highly recommend that you call your psychiatrist or find someone, like a close friend or family member, who can call for you. It’s very important that you are able to get that done. I don’t think you should wait for your therapist to come back from vacation.

I would ask you to please not harm yourself. Take a look at a few reasons why and perhaps try to utilize some distractions or alternatives.

Don’t let this get any more out of control. I think you should definitely ask for someone to help you call as soon as possible. We are here if you need to talk.

Elliot

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